BakerBits

And my sister.

Yay for new and exciting playgrounds!

Gaah, my baby girl is twenty months. I can’t believe this.

McDonald’s Apple Pies. True Love, only $.50

the Eco Globe

the carousel:

Peter at least sat through it this time. He didn’t grace us with a smile, however.

I have a post hibernating about mushy love/husband wifey/Valentines day stuff that I did not get out for Valentines day. Maybe it will come out later. But you don’t mind looking at such beautiful, active kiddos, do ya?

Those of you with little girls you like to dress up, here is a fun giveaway for $30 worth of cuteness:

http://tuckerstaketennessee.blogspot.com/2010/02/win-it-wednesday-bebebows.html

Keep calm and carry on!

I had two friends have babies this week. So in honor of all that is new, perfect, newborn squishyface love, here is a post with all three of my babies as newborns.

Todd:

Peter:

Vivienne:

We’ve had a surprising amount of sunny days lately, and we’ve been celebrating by being outside. And I’ve been taking lots of pictures. I love living here.

My brown eyed boy…

Little Miss Cranky Pigtails. She’s been transitioning to two year old mode. Lots of ‘no!” and throwing little tantrums. Good thing I know this is a phase.

Kyle helped the boys sit in a tree.

Boys and sticks were just meant to be together!

What happens to pigtails after a nap. (Todd helped me make rice crispie treats during said nap and everybody enjoyed them very much!)

And the rest are just shots from around the property. I’m a sucker for pine trees and fluffy clouds!

Visiting family!

Mollie and Mom:

Mom, Carol, and Beefooni:

Grandpa Bill talking with Todd

Mom and kiddos watching Stewie, Mollie’s bird

Grandma and Vivienne

Playing with My Little Ponies, the very same ones my sisters and I played with when we were little:

On MLKJ day, it was an interesting experience to explain to Todd why we had today as a holiday. Later we went to a playground:

Todd is *almost* to the top of the mountain!

Peter has his game face on.

Vivienne is almost always happy.

Todd is changing Vivienne’s oil.

Do you ever have a church sermon that makes you think so hard your head hurts? Anyway, something I have frequently pondered is the search for meaning in my own life, and in the lives of other people. I have even heard Christians expressing dissatisfaction with their life directions and wondering what they are supposed to be doing at any given moment in their lives, and I have done this myself as a Christian.

Our sermon was on Matthew 22:23-30 where Jesus is asked how marriage will be after the resurrection. The conclusion is that the marriages that we have on earth will not be in heaven. The pastor also noted 1 Corinthians 7:29-31, where Paul commands those who are married to live as if they are not. So as a church we looked at the purpose of being on earth as a Christian. What are we supposed to be doing, anyway? Marriage is clearly not a key element.

The Great Commission in Matthew 28:19: “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

So there we go. Be you married or unmarried, you are supposed to be making disciples. God has given  us a job to do. Whether you do that with your children that you got as a result of being married (or however you got your children) or you are doing that  with other people in any way shape or form, you are doing what will bring God glory and you the satisfaction of having done good work.  In heaven, Kyle won’t be my husband. Todd, Peter, and Vivienne, won’t be my children. Granting that Todd, Peter, and Vivienne come to love and follow Christ, we will all be children of God, and our earthly physical relationships won’t have the same impact they do here.

So that all made my head hurt because I realized why I was on earth, and why I was a mother. God gave me these children to make them disciples of him. I really don’t have anything greater to aim for than helping other people love and follow Jesus. Nothing is really harder, but it has the awesome power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish it.

I remember being a sophomore in college, and seriously confused about how I was going to serve God. I was a disciple, now what? I went to a missions conference and didn’t feel like anything there gripped me and called me by the power of God, but I felt so ready. I really wondered why I hadn’t been called to go to Africa or Canada or even the slums of LA for long-term mission work. I didn’t even feel like finishing college was important, because I couldn’t even decide what I wanted to major in.

Short story, I discovered Kyle liked me, I liked him, and we got married. I guess at the time I didn’t see anything particularly mission-like in all that. But then we had children. And at first I was just trying to survive. However, now I have seen that my searching back in my sophomore year had yielded me a very solid answer indeed in a very roundabout way. Having children is not just something you do to occupy yourself for 20-30 years until they move out. It’s a long term commitment to raise your child in the fear of the Lord, to do all you can to love on them and tell them about Jesus, to pray every moment that they would come to love and follow Christ, to give them godly council for the troubles they will face, to help them acquire a set of life skills that will help them in their walk with God in this awful scary place called earth. And, the ultimate hope, that they will desire to make disciples of other people, and forward the wonderful love of God whatever they do.

That’s why I am not concerned if my children ever go to college, or get married or not, or move to Zimbabwe or California or orbit the moon. I just want them to love Jesus, and be His disciples. Same goes with other people I know and love. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to have children, you don’t have to have a job, or be successful in whatever field, and it’s ok if you didn’t become the astronaut/fireman/overseas missionary you wanted to be when you were younger. God has you in a place right now and your job is to make disciples. He will equip you, all you gotta do is love, serve, and share. Invest in the lives of other people in ways that will matter in an eternal sense. God will place things like college, jobs, marriage,children, etc, in your life to help put you where he wants you to make disciples.

And now, as a mother, I am ready to heartily embrace my calling. I no longer am waiting until they are all in school so I can go back to college and make something of myself. I am not waiting for them to graduate and move out to make my life easier. Here I am now, and my hands are full with the good work that God has given me. I aim to make disciples of my children, and anyone else who God places in my path. Jesus is with me, I can do it.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,
	Mat 28:20	teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Kyle got me a camera for Christmas.

The firstfruits:

Toddaloony!

Peter Poo

Vivi Boo Boo

All together now:

Since Vivienne was born and the chaos of owning and managing several small rugrats has made itself known, I have been through a personal journey of many steps. I was already feeling overwhelmed with Todd the two year old and Peter the 17 month old. I didn’t know how I was going to make it with three. As taking care of the three of them over time became more and more complex as they all grew, I was faced with many emotions. Mostly stress and wanting to escape for the most part. Often, very often, I asked God why he was putting me through this. Kyle and I had a plan when we got married. We would have our children about two years apart. Starting about a year or so after we got married. It worked out rather differently, when Kyle and I had honestly tried to do everything right.

I kept reading that children were blessings. I saw other women struggle with infertility and miscarriages and feel guilty over my ease at becoming pregnant when that’s all we were trying to avoid. It’s not that I didn’t love my children. It’s not that I wasn’t fully committed to them heart and soul and body. It’s not that I would have changed anything about them, or wanted any of them gone. I just could not see why God was doing this to us. It was hard. It was really hard, harder than anything I’d ever done. Some weeks all I wanted to do was escape. I felt like we weren’t ready for all this parenthood so soon in our lives, all the decisions and stress and work. I felt like we were scaring away all the young people, especially newlyweds, from ever having or wanting children.

Over time God has shown me things. I am still learning, but I’ve come a long way in the last couple months.

Part of it is really due to Vivienne. After reading a lot about attachment parenting stuff online during my pregnancy, I’d decided I was going to do things differently with Viv. Instead of aiming for the most convenient and independent child as soon as possible, I was going to put on a different mindset. I was going to enjoy and baby my baby. I was going to hold her as much as she wanted. I was going to feed her whenever she told me she was hungry. I was going to follow my heart with my children, as well as the Bible. I believed that God gave me good gifts as a mother and I could do this. I believed God gave excellent examples of his parenting of his children and he was the best teacher.

So with Viv, that turned out looking rather different than what life had been before her. I really sought to make connections, not just with my newborn, but with my older sons. Just as God knows our hearts and minds, I have been trying to get to know all of my children as people, and parent them with wisdom from the Bible and knowledge of what I knew of them. It was ridiculously hard at times. God is amazingly consistent and that’s where our trust in him is so richly rewarded. However, as a parent, consistency in love and discipline has proved to be a huge challenge.

Now that Viv is a year and a half, there has been amazing fruition of my different parenting style since I was born. I have a no less than magnificent connection with my daughter. Part of it is due to her sweet and communicative nature, but I know part of it is that she trusts me as her mother, because I have been there for her in the capacity she needs since day one. I have sought to love and know her. It’s really not too different than how I got to know my husband, or my friends in my life, or even God when I first came to love him. However, because I am her mother, and I have that responsibility over her, the depth of the relationship is rich and meaningful.

And Vivienne has it strongest, party because of personality, but partly because I was seeking connection with her since she was born. With Todd and Peter I didn’t have that deep a veiw of parenting, and was mostly seeking to keep them alive and help them get able to do their own stuff quickly so I could have an easier life. Of course, I loved them, but I didn’t know how rich love could be with them. Since I’ve started making more of a connection with them there’s been a lot of growth there.

Todd has a very different personality than me, and connecting with him has always been more challenging. So seeking to know him better has helped me understand him and how he desires to be loved and understood. Todd is a fascinating, unique boy and I’ve learned that he has magnificent potential in life because of that. It helps so much being able to talk with him and hear what is on his mind, what’s important to him, and what he is concerned about.  Starting preschool was a big step for both of us, me letting him out of the home to be with other children and different caretakers for a large part of the day. But he has blossomed in the environment, met challenges and tackled many new and exciting things. He’s getting exposed to many things and doing fabulously.

Peter is in a tough transition time of life, the twos and threes, where discipline is learned the hard way and his personality is emerging and he’s learning more how to communicate. But he is full of delightful surprises as well. Peter’s expressive and passionate personality is very interesting! Dealing with his stubborn nature has taught both of us a lot. Now at the end of his third year of life, he is gaining confidence in himself and his talents.

So now we are all working on gaining trust in each other as a family. When we trust each other more, we understand each other more and feel safer expressing and seeking love. My children are so sweet to one another and to me. We have our stubborn and cranky times, but there is more sunshine than rain. And it’s never easy. But I’m not afraid anymore. God has taught me so much about his nature, I know I can trust him as my parent, to love me so that I can love my kids.

Now that #4 is on the way, I have a completely different mindset than when I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne. I know it’s going to be more work and more stress, but I know what I’m doing now. I’m certain this child will have their own challenges. I honestly have no idea what the next couple years will look like. But I do know how to start. I am going to hold my baby as much as possible. I am going to feed the baby when he or she tells me they are hungry. I am going to seek to know this child from day one, and encourage the rest of my children to do the same. Easy, no. Simple, yes. The human heart is wonderful at loving when powered by the Spirit of the perfect loving God.

So why did God give me four children in five years? Because I have a lot to learn about love that could only be taught to me by being the main caretaker of four small and very demanding kids that never go away. God needed me to depend on him, and I wasn’t going to do that when life was easy. But I think more importantly, God wanted to show me how rich love can be. I learned a lot from becoming a Christian and seeking to know him. I learned a lot from connecting from friends and family after becoming a Christian. I learned a whole lot more when getting married and becoming one with my husband. But I have learned more in the past four and a half years than all of that put together. And I know parenting learning continues as long as you are a parent.

I also trust that since God gave me these children, he knew ahead of time what their personalities and individual challenges would be. He knows the family history ahead of us, what we will face as a family as well. And I believe we are all together because we need each other, each one of us having a vital part that will help us all out and teach one another. As the mother I have a very central role. It’s a job only I can do, and that’s why these are my children.

My children are blessings. They are little fountains of love that spurt with a beautiful color untainted by maturity and disillusionment. They are beautiful, talented, sweet, and wonderful, each one in their own way. To see them loving each other is a joy richer than I could ever express. And I get to see more of that than anyone else. It’s better than winning the lottery, or getting a doctorate, or starring in a movie, or many other human celebrated accomplishments. When they are older, all in school and busier, I will miss these days at home with my little sweeties. I know they will mature in lovely ways, but the exuberance of toddler love is a unique experience.

There is more to the “Why?” than that. But I’m still learning. My children are no less of a responsibility than before. But the joy has grown in richness. Only God could take what would have driven me insane and made it a source of abundant blessing in my life.

Link to rottentomatoes reviews

Link to imbd info

So Kyle and I went out on a date, which happens once in a blue moon. There was just not much else to do besides watch a movie. And the only one that sounded remotely interesting besides Avatar was Blind Side. However, neither Kyle or I have the remotest interest in football. It sounded a lot like Remember the Titans, which was about football, love and acceptance. I would never go to any effort to watch Remember the Titans again and wouldn’t really have missed anything in my life if I never watched it, so I figured the Blind Side would have the same effect on me. Same with Kyle. So Avatar it was. Blind Side probably had more depth to it, but Avatar was fun, and not a single football in the entire movie. Just lots of nearly-naked aliens and explosions! Lots of spoilers ahead, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled, go see it then come back and read it.

Basic Plotline: Jake Sully is a guy who was a Marine, now paralyzed from the waist down, going on a mission to a planet named Pandora. The human forces who are on Pandora want to mine the planet for a valuable mineral called Unobtainium (yes, seriously!). However, they are having trouble convincing the native humanoid species, the Na’vi, to move off the mineral rich land so they can blow it to bits and mine it. So Jake goes into a Na’vi body engineered by the humans to learn the culture, be accepted by them, and negotiate so the humans can have their Unobtainium. The Na’vi turn out to be just like Native Americans but about 12 feet tall, blue, with tails, superhuman strength and abilities, and ways of connecting with the animals and trees. Jake is accepted but falls in love the woman instructed to teach him the ways of the Na’vi, and he decides that he wants to side with the Na’vi. The humans decide to blow up the land anyway. Jake calls the Na’vi from all over the planet, there is a gigantic war with explosions and death, etc, somehow the Na’vi win with Jake as their leader, and the humans are kicked off the planet. Jake becomes a Na’vi permanently and they all lived happily ever after.

The movie’s strongest point is that it is visually stunning. CGI just keeps getting more impressive. The world of Pandora is breathtakingly beautiful, vibrant rainforests and floating mountains, and the creatures in the movie are creative and fun. There are dragon-like creatures, hammer-headed rhinoceros, and panthers on steroids!  If I had never seen any other movies and didn’t know that this plot was rather cliche and reminiscent of several other plots, it is a fun plot that entertains and moves things along. Although the movie does go on for 2.5 hours, which Kyle found rather slow. It didn’t really bug me, but it might the second time through.

Overall, you will probably really enjoy this movie. Like I said, it’s creatively amazing, and the emotional aspects of it are spot on, some fun elements like the loser becoming the hero that saves the planet, romantic elements, and so forth. However, I am pretty picky when it comes to movies, I like them to have more ‘meat’ if I’m going to pay the moolah to see them in theaters, and there was a few things about it that bothered me. So I don’t think you’ll regret watching it, but it’s far from perfect. Overall I’d give it a 6.5 out of 10. Worth paying the money, but I don’t think I’d ever want to buy it.

The acting was good enough for the flick. I was most impressed by Sigourny Weaver, who plays another human who has a Na’vi avatar, who joins Jake’s fight to save the Na’vi. The main character, Jake, and his female lead, Neytiri, have so-so acting, enough to carry it, nothing bad enough to make me cringe, but nothing that really shone.

The characters as they were written were really nothing spectacular, so really, they probably did fine with what they were given. Most of the characters were pretty flat. The bad guys, the Unobtainium-hungry humans, were depressingly reminiscent of Disney cartoon movie bad guys, not much depth, overpowerful, and too bent on destroying everything in their path to be believable. I’m almost surprised we didn’t have any wicked monologues or evil cackling in the end. In the end of the movie, you are wholeheartedly rooting that all the humans be blown to bits. While that is unusual, it’s not very realistic. The dialogue in the movie was nothing awful, but nothing really notable. Most minor characters that you like wind up dead.

Some things that bugged me about the plot: it begins to really feel like Pocahontas after awhile. Some others have described it as, “Dances with Wolves in Space” but as I haven’t seen Dances with Wolves, I can’t attest to the verity of that statement. The similarities between the Na’vi and the Native Americans are so apparent it makes the movie look rather foolish not to bring that up in the movie somewhere.

There was several things that could have made this so much more an interesting movie and less cliche. There was great potential for the Na’vi to be a remarkable race on a remarkable planet and tap into some serious science fiction goodies. Unobtainium, the mineral in question, is in great amounts under the gigantic tree where the local tribe of Na’vi live. However, it is never explained why Unobtainium is so valuable, or why it’s all under the big special tree! It could have gone so many interesting places with that. It’s even hinted at in the movie, that all the trees on the planet have an electrical connection together and the Na’vi can tap into that, the same way they can connect with certain animals on the planet. It could be, but doesn’t say for sure, that all creatures on the planet have a way of connecting. Instead it just sounds like a bunch of New Earth/Earth is our mother/tree hugging mumbo jumbo, complete with all the Na’vi holding hands and singing to a giant special tree (Pocahontas again!) and the spirits of their ancestors.

Like I mentioned earlier, the humans (save for five pro-Na’vi people) are just bent on getting their Unobtainium. They really don’t care that they have to blow people to bits. I almost could hear the song “Savages!” from Pocahontus in my head. It would have given better depth and believability to the humans if the hundreds of forces on Pandora didn’t wholeheartedly embrace the fact they were going to blow the natives to bits, the uppity tree huggers being so dang whiny about having their homes blown up! There should have been at least some who argued, “Um, hey, haven’t we learned anything as humans from those history classes about Native Americans, Jews, African-Americans, etc, that it’s probably wiser to be nice and understanding to people who are different than you rather than shooting their heads off with no hesitation?”

If you have read Orson Scott Card Ender’s Game series (not just the first book, but the four after that) Card goes into great detail concerning the way the animals and tree interact in a completely alien biological relationship. It’s very interesting and becomes a major plot element in at least one of the books, and has interesting magnifications in several of them. Seeing as Avatar just didn’t have the plot creativity, the acting, or anything else, going a little deeper into this fascinating planet (which I can’t get over is named Pandora! foreshadowing overkill, anyone!) could have made this movie more than just a pretty action flick.

The end was also rather unbelievable. While fun to watch, it basically consisted of the Na’vi being slaughtered, then a few animals fighting back and gaining some ground for Pandora, then Jake throws a couple big grenades at the big warship packed with bombs and it blows up and crashes. A few scenes earlier Jake had made his connection with a big important tree, and asked for help. Again, something more spectacular should have happened here, that interesting biological connection could have been explored, maybe some volcanoes or gigantic violent creatures or the floating mountains could have fought back or something! Instead, it’s just a big slaughter by the big helicopters, guns, and missiles of the Na’vi with bows and arrows. And Jake winds up stopping the humans with their own technology.Where is the fun in that?

James Cameron (remember Titanic?) was the director of this movie. Now we see why it is so incredibly long. However, while Titanic appealed more directly to the romantic females, Avatar is more aiming for the male 14-24 crowd. Not many females will be swooning over Jake Sully’s elongated powder blue tailed self. Like Titanic, this movie will probably do superbly in the box office, but retire to shelves to gather dust and never gain any longevity in movie history, just another major accomplishment for CGI creators.

Kid friendliness: incredibly not kid-friendly. Lots of violence, cussing throughout. The aliens are mostly naked in a native African type apparel, important parts are mostly covered, but the fact that they are very alien and not so human looking makes it more video-game-esce. Look it up on kidsinmind.com for more detailed analysis of kid-friendliness.

So, don’t go incredibly out of your way to see this movie. If you really wanna pay the bucks to see a movie in theatres and nothing else looks good, this one will do. But it could easily wait for a rental.

Ok, so Christmas with little kids is ultra cute. I’ve got photographic proof!

It’s still risky for all those holiday pounds. I found a great way to reduce holiday calorie intake: feed holiday goodies to the little people with the very active metabolisms. Calories fed to other people do not make you fat! More holiday tips throughout this post.

So here’s what we’ve been up to.

Classic gingerbread house decoration:

Note the remains of a former gingerbread house in the lower left there. The only way to have any candy make it on the house is to let the kids eat a different gingerbread house while eating this one. There is another alternative, but that involves buying a lot of extra candy besides the gingerbread kit, which means much more sugar enters the home. Since sugar generally has no problem entering the house in large qualities in November and December, we don’t need to let more in, do we?

Todd likes to refer to them as Gingermanbreadhouses. He refers to gingerbreadmen as gingermanbreadhousemen. Here is classic, “What you get when you ask a four year old to pose for a photo”

Note the pathetic comparison of our actual house to the gingerbread house on the box. This is not the result of letting the kids do the decoration, no, Mommy did most of the decoration with about 5% of help from Papa and 12% of help from Todd and Peter. However, having children in the very presence of decorations prevents them from being the perfection that the crafter in me desires. So I just had to let it go.

Another tip for decoration from gingerbread house kits: they tell you to wait 15 minutes after icing-glueing the roof on before decorating the roof. The reason they tell you this is that if you don’t wait 15 minutes, and instead cover the house roof with frosting and candies and then proudly prop it up on a high shelf so the children can’t reach it, the roof will slide off and crash to the floor, and the 45 minutes you spent decorating the %#@$%## thing will be wasted. Guess how I know this. On the bonus side, a gingerbread house roof covered with unseen and unimaginable cooties from a toddler infested floor is utterly unappetizing to Mommy, which helps with not gaining those holiday pounds! Toddlers have no fear of eating thier own floor cooties, so food isn’t even wasted!

Aherm. Christmas morning dawned foggy, rainy, and cold. Nevertheless the kids and I were up. Kyle was down with a cold. I whipped out the pots and pan and made a mean Eggs Benedict! However, the toddlers were not appreciative of the breakfast and mainly just stared at their plates and ate the English muffin part of it. Mommy enjoyed hers. But then she had to wash a lot of dishes. When Kyle was up, all he wanted was an English Muffin. Lesson learned: next year, I’m just gonna buy some blueberry muffins. Not the Costco ones, be they ever so delicious, because you can only buy Costco ones in five thousand calorie packs. Not good for holiday fitness!

The Christmas tree:

Playing with toys, retro Little People train set:

The ones below are Anamalz. Cute little wooden critters.

The Big Bad Baker Clan! 

Ok, maybe not so bad. And maybe we don’t look so big, but this is only part of the clan. The rest are off surviving weird foreign government policies in exotic Bolivia.

Earlier this week we had more family, my sisters:

Aunt Carol and Viv in their new boots!

One of the big steps in Mommyhood is realizing that things like birthdays and Christmas, on a personal level, become rather boring compared to how incredibly exciting they are for the kids. So you switch to being excited for the kids, and Christmas is suddenly more exciting than it’s been in years. So don we now our gay apparel!!!! Fa la la la la la la la la!!!! And you better be durned grateful you are just reading that rather than actually hearing me sing it.

This could also be a strategy, that you should look like holiday goodies instead of eating them, but as you normally wear aprons to make food, it kinda obliterates any strategy success. Nevertheless, my Gingermanbreadhouseman apron was loved by the kids.

So the final count was I made it through November and December, and I only gained a total of four pounds. Most Americans gain 9-11 pounds. My biggest secret is this: I am pregnant and I have been nauseous most days. I have not been craving chocolate or sweets, rather I want it salty, spicy, and crunchy! Before when I’ve been pregnant (especially over the holidays) I’ve gained more like 10-15 pounds over the holidays.

Thanks to the hubby for working out with me many early mornings. Exercise really does help, and it’s one of our only non-kid-including activities. And will hopefully help me stay in shape for an easier, faster labor comes my due date in July. Hopefully not too much faster, I don’t want to give birth in the back of the Geo Metro on the way to the hospital. However, if I have an ‘accidental’ homebirth I wouldn’t mind too much.

As this year closes and I have spread the news of Baker Bean #4 around, I am so grateful for all the support. I have heard nothing but excitement and anticipation that we are having a fourth child. I have heard many other situations where mothers expecting a subsequent child have been criticized, or ignored, or just had little jabbing comments. So even if you all are thinking, “WHAT!!! ARE THEY NUTS?” “They do know what causes that, don’t they?” “Only crazy people have more than 1 (or 2 or 3) children!” etc etc, you haven’t said it to me, and that really helps. Cause really, you don’t want to tick off a pregnant woman who deals with toddlers all day. She is not scared of you and she will tell you exactly what she thinks.

Well, hope everyone else made it through the holidays with hollyness and jollyness and at least a little snow. You must all be hoggin it, cause we haven’t got a flake. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

And as I look toward the new year, and think about goals, my pregnancy is weighing heavily on my mind. (Come July it will weigh heavy absolutely everywhere!) I will have four children under the age of five. Three children under the age of five have been keeping me plenty busy with plenty of challenges. It has been a big growing experience. There have been times when I’ve wanted to sell the children on eBay and run off to Paris. I have never been more aware of my shortcomings as a human being than I have being a parent. However, God has given me strength, and taught me, and I have leaned heavily on him to stay sane. I know that this next child will make things more intense. So there are big lessons ahead of me. My biggest goal for the new year is to have peace in the midst of the deeper chaos. I have confidence God will give me the strength, tools, and hope to make it through.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!