BakerBits

Peter turns two today! My little baby is turning into a little boy before my eyes. He is now exploding verbally and trying to say everything! He loves to say Happy Birthday and can say all sorts of things that just melt you with the cuteness. He has a sweet little boy voice and will say, “wub you mommy”. What else does a mommy need?  Peter as the second child has known instinctively from the beginning that he had to be noisy and demanding to be heard over his sibling, and has never failed to let me know when his little world was not as he wanted it to be. However, with the extra demandingness Peter is very free to give love, kisses and hugs, and will just come up and hug me just because. He loves to sit on your lap and read books, or ride on his riding toy behind Todd, or build with legos, or eat. Peter loves food and is very adventuresome where his older brother just wants the tried and true. He especially loves cookies, so we will make some today. He gets along pretty well with Todd about 75% of the time, but they are both strong personalities and are learning sibling rivalry in all sorts of ways. Peter, like mommy, has shown a love for the furry things of planet earth early on and nothing makes his day like petting the kitty. He is very manually destrous and can put on and do velcro on his shoes already and is fabulous at using forks and spoons. All day long he will happily sing little Peter songs of happy random syllables which I’m sure make complete sense to him. He sleeps with his stuffed animal known as ‘Peanut’ and will chew on Peanut’s tail while falling asleep at night. Peter is one of God’s precious gifts to us, and we are so thankful to have him with us.  I look forward to getting to know him more as he grows up and his personality comes out more and more.

On Valentines day, Kyle and I celebrated by cleaning the whole house. Very romantic.  Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales, but considering how many spouses I have heard who refuse to change diapers and housework in general, I was swept off my feet nonetheless.  And, as you will see, Kyle had his reasons.

On Sunday, after church we went to Walmart, but instead of going to the one two blocks away from our church, we went West, to the one in Newport, where Kyle told me to buy a swimsuit and bought food for the next few meals. We checked in with the kiddles at an inn down in Yachats and had ourselves a little vacation. It was sunny and beautiful at the coast, and although wrangling 2-year old Peter in a hotel room was a challenge and the hot tub bubbles freaked out 3 year old Todd, our room had an enchanting veiw of the ocean and the city, and it was a wonderful break. On Monday, President’s Day (which I hadn’t even known about because everybody had just been talking about Valentines Day on Saturday) we walked the beach with the kids, and visited the Hatfield museum and the bayside Newport. The museum was a huge kick with the kids because they have a tidepool exhibit where the boys touched anemones, sea stars, and other fun interactive sea activities. Bayside Newport has restaurants, a fish smell, a lovely view of the harbor and bridge, but most importantly, a dock full of barking sea lions. Todd was transfixed and laughed at their clumsy antics.

One of the most wonderful things about is that Kyle had been so sneaky. He’d insisted on cleaning the house Saturday so he could learn where everybody’s clothing was located and pack for the whole trip in secret. Packing for trips is usually my job and it stresses me out, so that was a double blessing. I have no idea how he managed it, but he packed the car with my clothes, his clothes, clothes for all three little ones, toiletries, and other essentials on Sunday morning on the sly. I am very impressed. And Monday night I came home to a clean house.

I love the coast-there is something about walking a beach and listening to the waves and watching that just releases peace and powerful thoughts inside of me. Even when I am trying to keep Peter from faceplanting in the sand and replacing Vivienne’s hood when it gets blown off, the coast is magical. I feel bad for people who don’t get to experience it all.

So today back to life at home, but ohhh, what a nice little break!

Exactly five years ago, Kyle and I were courting, and he took me to Silver Falls state park with lots of waterfalls and we walked around being cute and datesy. Then he pulled me off the trail to a little copse of moss-covered branches, got down on his knee, told me he loved me for the first time and asked me to marry him!

I slapped his face and told him to get a life. Just kidding. I said yes, and there was great amounts of kissing and giggling and I don’t believe my feet touched the ground the rest of the day. He took me back to my dorm so I could gleefully freak out with my girlfriends, then we both got all gussied up and he took me out to eat at a very nice restaurant in the big city.
The next day he had a barbershop quartet come and serenade me in one of our classes together. The day after that, Valentine’s Day, we went to OMSI and Multnomah Falls.

Interestingly enough, the leap years make it so this year is a Thursday on the 12th . So it was a Thursday five years ago too.

I am still in love with him, and although sometimes I want to make him sleep on the lawn or run away to Paris, I stay and we keep growing. Three kids in five years=not easy, but Kyle is my teammate, and I love him.

You said you’d bake us a cake:

And I totally made this apron all by myself. most of it is fabric hlue rather than actual sewing, but still, it’s a finished object thanks to MOP craft time!

Part two: breastfeeding

First of all, it’s a big step for me to blog about breastfeeding because I am rather modest. In American society, breasts are so highly sexualized that breastfeeding in public is seen as something shameful. Sadly, many people believe breastfeeding is something animalistic or something that only poor people do. In other countries breastfeeding is so commonplace and natural strangers will scold you if your baby fusses and you do not offer your breast to comfort because that’s why you have breasts-for babies! Most countries wean from breastfeeding closer to three years of age rather than the one year of age considered ‘normal’ in the United States.  I didn’t know any of this when I started, I just went off what the books said.

With Todd, my first, I had a rough start but once we figured out latching on I was good to go. Problem was with my reading I believed the goal in raising babies was to get them independent as soon as possible. I read Babywise and believed that by using my breasts to do anything but feed my baby I was being suckered by his manipulative and selfish nature, and he would be spoiled. So I breastfed Todd, but only after trying every other option when he fussed to make sure he was hungry and only hungry. If there was any other way to calm his fussing I tried that first. I didn’t really cuddle Todd that much, he wasn’t really a cuddly baby.  He loved routine so fell into the wake up, eat, play, sleep pattern like clockwork. When I found out I was pregnant with Peter, Todd was 9 months old. I started having contractions when I nursed Todd, so a nurse told me I could harm the baby inside and I needed to stop breastfeeding. So we weaned Todd to formula. It was a pretty easy deal.

With Peter, it was easier at first to get latched on and started, but Peter was just noisier than Todd! He was very particular about how he wanted to be held and when he wanted to eat and he wouldn’t follow any routine or schedule! I gave up trying and just fed him when he wanted to be fed and let him sleep when he wanted to. Peter was a cuddly baby and I really snuggled with Peter when I fed him. He wanted to eat a lot more often than Todd, several times a night even around a year old! Kyle and I were confused, Todd had slept through the night at two months old with no problems. We tried crying it out with Peter but it was miserable on everyone’s part. We finally concluded he just needed mommy more and eventually he slept through the night. With Peter we learned that you shouldn’t expect one baby to do exactly as another, one baby’s normal may be completely different than another’s. When Peter was seven months old I got pregnant again, and on a different nurse’s advice, weaned Peter to formula. Peter took it rough.

While pregnant with Vivienne, I became very active on parenting forums and began to learn about attachment parenting. I met mothers who nursed their two year olds, mothers who had nursed through pregnancy and nursed both their toddlers and their newborns, and I began looking into breastfeeding more.  I found out that I could have breastfed through my pregnancies, and many had done so, with no harm to either child. When I gave birth to Vivienne I had a different mindset about breastfeeding, it was one of giving and bonding with my child. I sought to meet her needs and trusted her as the baby to tell me when she was hungry, and when she wanted to nurse for comfort, I let her. I nursed her whenever she wanted to.  I held her all the time. It wasn’t long before I noticed I had the happiest baby I’d ever met. She was cooey and smilie and confident that her needs were met promptly. Far from being manipulative and selfish, Vivienne was calm and friendly. Part of that was Vivienne’s naturally upbeat personality, but part of that was her confidence in her mama, that mama was always there and would take care of any need that arose. And Vivienne has that adorable chubbiness that babies have. Todd and Peter were never chubby, but Vivienne has a rolly squishiness that is just yummy.

Vivienne has been our experiment in attachment parenting. We have sought to meet her needs and know her closely to know how she expresses them. I aim to have a close relationship (and not just with her, with the boys as well) to build her confidence in life. It is a picture of the God who is there for us. He doesn’t wish us to be independent of Him, He wishes to meet our needs. Vivienne, Peter, and Todd are too young to depend on God, so they have parents entrusted with the scary responsibility of being caretakers. We aim not to get rid of them when they hit 18, but rather we aim to help them become responsible, sensitive, loving adults who make choices to love God. It is natural they wish to no longer depend on their parents one day. We hope at that point, they will be trusting God and following Him. In that aim, we strive to be connected, meeting their needs, answering their questions, and loving them unconditionally, setting appropriate boundaries, and staying sane while doing so. So far, we have found it’s a lot harder than it sounds and we have a lot to learn about love. But we’ll keep trying anyway.

So about breastfeeding: it’s become more than just feeding the baby. The focus is on a special connection with a chid, a nurturing, a meeting of their needs in a special intimate way. One of the best things about breastfeeding is that milk is always instant, just a lift of the shirt, apply baby and voila! instant feeding. My other favorite thing is that not only is baby being fed,  baby is being cuddled, held close, and given eye contact and breathes in the wonderful smell of mother. Much of that can be accomplished with formula feeding, but it’s a necessity with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding encourages snuggling and physical comforting. That’s why it’s a great aspect of attachment parenting.

part 1, introduction

What is atachment parenting? Well, I could sum it up here but Dr. Sears did it much better here. So go read or skim that article then check back here. I will also add to the Dr. Sears article that attachment parenting is a mindset, not a prescribed formula. You don’t have to go down the list and do everything on it in order to be connected to your child. You can formula feed and be an attached parent. The things listed are actions that reflect a mindset in an ideal behavior, not the only behavior. OK, now I will share a little of my journey. I have always been a reader. And in school, if you wanted to learn something, you looked it up in a book. So the books I read during my pregnancy were given to me by people I knew. One was something you will find in nearly every place that sells books in America, What to Expect When You’re Expecting.  The other was Babywise by Gary Ezzo. Reading those two books, I decided, would prepare me for motherhood and breastfeeding. So when I had Todd, that was my informational mindset. And parenting was a doozy, as it is to everybody. Suddenly I realized why tax forms call children dependents. Because they depend on you for everything! A spouse is quite self-sufficient in most cases, but a newborn is as dependent on you as anything can possibly be. And that’s rather stressful to have a person’s entire livelihood depend on your actions. But you plunge ahead anyway, because there’s not too many other options. Now I am on baby number three, and ohh, how much easier it is! I have learned a lot about babies. Now I’m joining the ‘clueless about 3 year olds’ club with my oldest boy and have lots of cluelessness in that arena. But I have passed along by What to Expect book and thrown Babywise in the trash, and over the ‘attachment parenting’ posts I will go into the different aspects of attachment parenting and how they’ve changed how I respond to my kids. I don’t know even close to everything, but I no longer fear that I am not doing the right things. And in the world of parenting, confidence is a precious, rare, and beautiful tool.

To-Do Today

As I awake: shower, dress, eat, read, talk to Kyle before he leaves and kids awake.

As all three children awake: make sure Todd goes potty, get him out of his trainer, trainer to wetbag, wipe off, find clean underwear, nag Todd to get dressed. Get Peter out of crib, change diaper, get Peter dressed, worry about why it hurts Peter to walk. Get Vivienne out of bed, change diaper, get Vivienne clothed, have her on hip while doing breakfast.

Breakfast: Get cereal for Peter and Todd, make sure Peter gets rice milk in his cereal and sippy and Todd gets normal milk in cereal and sippy, unload dishwasher, refill Todd and Peter’s bowls with appropriate cereal and liquid, get my DustBuster out to clean up Peter’s mess and Mommy’s mess when she pours cereal from ripped bag, make sure all bowls and sippies get to sink, clean out DustBuster, wipe off Peter’s face, wipe off table, load dishwasher.

Diapers: start laundry to wash diapers (a total of three wash cycles and one dryer cycle) change Vivienne’s diaper at least 8-10 times, Peter’s diaper about 6 times, put away yesterday’s clean diapers, take pictures of diapers Vivienne has outgrown to list for sale, list diapers for sale on FSOT boards. Remind Todd to go to bathroom every hour or so, promise rewards of chocolate chips. Remind Todd to put pants and underwear on, place on time out when he keeps protesting.

Feeding: breastfeed Vivienne 5-6 times, 1-2 feedings in the high chair with carrots or fruit puffies or ripped up bread, while Vivienne is having floor time keep her from eating carpet fuzzballs or other unidentified objects that I’ve been finding in her diaper lately. The boys need 1 midmorning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and countless sippy cups of water prepared, fed, cleaned up.

Housework: Fold  four baskets of laundry sitting on laundry room floor. Investigate funky smell in fridge. Get kitchen counters clear and keep them that way all day long, pick up living room toys, wash soiled bedding from Todd wetting the bed, put away four baskets of laundry hopefully folded earlier. Instead of spending time on computer blogging or playing on the mommy forums: clean both bathrooms thoroughly, sweep kitchen, vacuum living room.

Boys: Read to boys, roughhouse with them, color with them, answer approxamitely 500 questions that begin with “Why…” from Todd. Keep them out of the changing room and laundry room so they don’t ransack previous days’ accomplishments. Keep Todd and Peter from beating up on each other. Hug and Kiss each one repeatedly and tell them I love them and discipline them without yelling or being sarcastic or impatient or short-tempered. Try to do chores with them to teach them responsibility and so forth.

Self: eat three nurtritious meals without snacking inbetween, organize packages to be mailed, drink lots of water, take vitamins, pray often, call mother or mother-in-law for encouragement and love, catch up on AMH, exercise (lol), and practice reflection and patience. Take adorable pictures of children.

Dinner: at some point prepare balanced dinner to be ready when Kyle gets home in the midst of toddlers having typical evening bansheeism and Vivienne having “you-must-hold-me-or-I-will-cryism” conquer latter thusly by wearing Vivienne on back in Beco, greet Kyle with happy and peaceful smile when he comes home, set table with appropriate dinnerware and sippy cups, deliver hot and delicious dinner to table approx. 5-10 minute afterward, attempt to carry on a conversation while encouraging Todd to eat his food and Peter not to put bowl on head.

Bedtime: Get all three children pottied, diapered, jammied, and into bed, clean up kitchen, talk to Kyle, relax, brush teeth, start dishwasher. Zone out and go to sleep.

Busy?

Bring it on.

John 14:10-31

10″Do you not believe that ^(N)I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me? ^(O)The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative, but the Father abiding in Me does His works.

11“Believe Me that ^(P)I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; otherwise ^(Q)believe because of the works themselves.

12Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and ^(R)greater works than these he will do; because ^(S)I go to the Father.

13“^(T)Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that ^(U)the Father may be glorified in the Son.

14“If you ask Me anything ^(V)in My name, I will do it.

15“^(W)If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.

I just can’t get over this. Jesus is so extreme.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the actions of faith, and wondering how I appear to unbelievers, and realizing that my walk looks pathetic. It is so easy to get sucked up in day to day doldrums and forget why I am alive. I am alive to love Jesus, and He demands that if I love Him, I keep His commandments. All of them, Lord? All of them, child. My excuses about being busy or having something else to do amount to idolatry, having something before God. Oh, the distance of my life from where He calls me to be is long and painful, and causes me much pain in my hours of stress and depression. My hours of stress and depression are due to needing the loving comfort of God, and having walked so far away from Him and His loving words that I forget why I am alive and doubt my own purpose. There’s a line in a song by the Waiting, “Break my legs if that’s what it takes, but keep me close to you.” Much has happened in the last few weeks that have made me feel like I am floundering in the water. Like Peter on the wild sea, I have taken my eyes from my Lord, and been afraid. I pray to be focused on Him and His purposes, that I see my life from His perspective and fear not. And that I obey Him, and share His rich abundant love with others who feel the fear of the sea as well. As hard as it is to be tossed and shaken by the waves, it is much harder to feel that way when you are focused on the One who the wind and waves obey.