Being Heard Above the Roar of Culture September 25, 2009
Kyle and I do not have a television set, and so I miss a lot of cultural references. In the end, we believe the benefits far outweigh any loss. But somebody posted a link with a mention about a music video, so I decided to go look it up on imeem.com and see what the lyrics and video were all about. And it just set me off on one of those deep thinking stunts. For those of you more culturally savvy than me, you will recognize the name Beyonce and the song, “All the Single Ladies”. If you don’t recognize it, no need to go watch it, it’s very sexual and not really worth watching. It basically deals with a woman who is going out dancing and who cares what (ex?) boyfriend thinks. “If you liked it then you shoulda putta ring on it” is the oft-repeated line. The indication from the lyrics is that she is flaunting her body going dancing and being enjoyed by other men, if he has a problem with that, he should have proposed to keep her body. So basically, the song is dealing with her, but almost all references deal with her body. She=her body, her body is the important part here. The video shows her and two other women dancing in ways that highlight their sexual selves.
Now that I am a mother, I suddenly see things like this in a whole new light. Our sons and our daughter could watch this (and other things) and the basic lesson presented by the song and video is: a woman is her body, she has power through sexuality, this should be valued and used to be gain acceptance and approval from others. Those who do not admire a woman’s sexual prowess are not worth anything.” Beyonce is a beautiful, talented with her vocals and her dance moves, and this video shows her strengths in that area. But it shows little else, leading one who watches to conclude that is what is important. I know this message is not unique to this video, it is a basic value presented by American culture.
For clarification, I don’t believe the body is evil, or that sexuality is evil. I believe sexuality is a gift from God to be treasured and used in context of a loving marriage. Not to be used outside of marriage. Use of it outside of marriage leads to a multitude of problems that I want my children to avoid.
With the many challenges I face as a parent, I’m beginning to realize that the harder ones come up as the kids age. So, as a parent, how do you go about being heard above the harmful lies presented as truth? How do I teach Vivienne that her sexuality is not a powerful tool to be exploited to gain attention with men? How do I teach Todd and Peter to not be led into tempting thoughts and inappropriate actions when faced with overwhelming sexual behavior and images?
Big questions, for four and under, and I’m not worried about Todd going out and hitting on girls at the club yet. But I know that many families watch videos like Beyonce’s or other content with similar values on a regular basis. Beyonce’s video is consider mild by many. After all, many body parts are not exposed, nobody has intercourse, and there are no cuss words or violence in the whole song! But the mindset behind it is poisonous no less, and that mindset trickles down to even the very young. I know I myself was affected by it as early as middle school, and I rarely watched videos with the degree of sexual content as the one in discussion here.
My basic game plan here is to have open and frank conversations with my children about love, sexuality, and values. To explore with them what the Bible says about what’s important in a person, and conduct that will help them avoid the pitfalls so many youth struggle with. I hope to be gracious enough to listen and be sensitive when my children have questions, and I hope they will turn to the Bible, and to their parents before they ask their friends or look things up on the internet. But ohh, how I would love to raise my children in an entirely different culture, where women didn’t sell coffee in bikinis on street corners or p0rnography wasn’t available with a few keystrokes and a click on an internet search engine.
As parents we must turn to God for strength for the battle ahead with unknown complications. We must pray for the purity of our children, and that God’s love would guide them to correct values of themselves and other people. And we must pray that we would have the correct values and model it to them. Ohhh, this parenting is scary stuff. I can deal with five poopy diapers a day pretty easily, but what is demanded of me here is downright impossible without God. He wins our battles, otherwise I would despair of fighting altogether.
